When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
