oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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