everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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