Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
