It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
