My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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