Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
