Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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