Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
