No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
