She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
