; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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