GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
