She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We need to rekindle our bromance
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
