Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
