I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
