Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize