Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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