Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
