just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
