i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
