he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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