I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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