yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
