i think i have herpe
just one?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
