; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
