i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
bring money and cleavage
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
