God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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