This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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