Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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