Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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