I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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