my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
