did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
