i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
