dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize