I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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