So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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