Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We had to coat check the pizza.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
