She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
