did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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