I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
