either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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