Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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