im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
