I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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