cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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