Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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