My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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