Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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