How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
